Fireman and Ian (23rd and 25th February)

(contains sexual content)

23rd February

Since the morning I was planning to meet up with the fireman. Usually cannot resist meeting up with him. The sexual chemistry between us is amazing. Apparently I have the strongest muscles down there compared to anyone else he has met. We had great time… starting with wine and pizza, and watching Sin City. Considering I was still suffering from hypomania, I made him laugh by making silly sound effects to Sin City. 😉 I am special.  Ended up getting lots of sex in evening and morning.

The fireman usually ends up juggling around girls… one of them called Amy, she was very pretty. He couldn’t really click with her as she seemed to be lying about stuff all the time, for example saying her mum died 1 half years , or another time saying 3 years ago, or something. He basically said it didn’t fit right. Also, said pretty girls are usually moody and whiney anyway. He can’t get on with really attractive girls. I am glad I am not one of them.

Other than the sex and gossiping, I managed to survive the train journey to and from Brighton, without having a panic attack. Yay!

25th February

Ian and I, the one I met from a bdsm site.. had plans to meet this night. I was very nervous about meeting. I sat in his car when he picked me up, and I sat there thinking, “Shit what am I thinking?”. Ended up getting to the flat, and was soon enough naked on the bed. I can’t really remember how the events unfolded, but I think I ended up sucking his cock, then he ended up tying me to the bed. He ended up doing anal play and fucking me as well. We wound down, then went to Nando’s 😉 Gotta love chicken.. especially the spicey rice! I was then getting tipsy as, too much wine for someone on too much medication for Bipolar. Fuck you bipolar. At least I am cheap when I go out, but the night would end too shortly I think.

We got back to the flat, and we watched The Knowing. I didn’t really see anything of it, as I was pretty much sleeping on Ian’s shoulder from the alcohol increasing the medication effects. We ended up having sex again after watching the film, don’t really know how he managed to fuck me if I was half asleep it happens. Ended up falling asleep straight after. I woke up to him saying I was a heavy breathing during my sleep.. !

General Ramblings (Tuesday 19th February)

After happenings of previous night, had to wake up at ridiculous time due to Fireman going on to his day shift. He dropped me off at the station. I was really worried that I was going to have a panic attack on the train, but thankfully I was too tired to have one.

I was going to go shopping as soon as I arrived near where I lived, but it was 7.30am, bit early eh. I went home and had my breakfast, then dragged my ass out oft the house to the shopping center. I get a bit nervous shopping because it seems most of the time the shop assistants always come up to me and ask if I need any help. It really does not help with my social anxiety. Could deal with the ground swallowing me up. I also tend not to try on shoes in shops, because I feel people are watching me, and think i look like a twat. Mostly buy shoes online, on the fair occasion when I am hypomanic I can just about try on shoes in the shop. I hate social anxiety, and anxiety in general. Should generally

Moving on, after christmas I bought a dress from Republic, but the idiot left the security tag on, so it took me about 2 months to brave myself up to go to a Republic store to get it off. Thankfully i kept the receipt. Also, managed to survive the torture of asking the shop assistant to take it off. Go me.

I eventually went home after exhausting evening and morning to catch up on my regular TV shows. In the evening I went to martial arts, I was dreading it becuase I was the second highest belt rank, and the next highest belt rank is a complete arrogant ass at times. First time I did defence drills with him was just diabolical, because the defence drill , the one defending it’s their drill so he was going at ridiculous speed,so I couldn’t block hardly anything. Also he was nearly hitting me. I was bit anxious to be partnering him if I had to , which I didn’t have to so woopee. Didn’t really like the class that night as it was a bit tedious, less vibrance. 😦

Monday Evening with the Fireman (18th February)

I have known this Fireman for nearly 5 years, which is pretty amazing. He’s a casual encounter so end up having lots of sex. He drove after his shift to pick me up and started to drive to his flat in Brighton. Whilst on the way to his, he said I was more confident and talkative. (well obviously as I am hypo-manic). I am guessing he has seen me in different moods since over the years.

It was quite funny he has a string of girls he has met recently, whilst trying to look for a girlfriend, but doesn’t think the two he has met recently are “girlfriend material”. Although he can never resist me, we have great physical compatibility apparently.

When we got back to his flat, he went out to get his wine, whilst I dressed up a little to turn him on. When he walked through the door his eyes went into heaven when he saw me. We started drinking wine, and forgetting again that I was on medication, I was half tipsy after a glass of wine. 

We started talking about how long we’ve known each other, and apparently we used to fuck nearly every week, or every 2-3 weeks. I can’t really remember that to be honest. When he had a girlfriend, we used to get a hotel, or if he had night shifts, we would fuck in Richmond Park during the day, or in his car. I was slightly more adventurous in those days.

I had a great night, lots of sex and all that. Definitely enjoyed it. He ended up making me curry after we had sex, which was really nice. Went to sleep soon after. 🙂