Hypomania at it’s best (26th February)

I was up early for once, must be the hypomania. I started the day off by catching up with The Following and Nikita TV shows, although I was easily distracted. I kept stopping and starting when I felt the need to do something else.

I saw my care co ordinator , and he said I was hypomanic, and was bollocked for not taking my clonazepam properly. Also, told me to do things that would destimulate my mind and body. I was like seriously, I AM ABSOLUTELY FINE! I was always joyfully laughing during my appointment! Apparently there is a difference between my nervous laughter and my hypomanic laughter. When I was waiting for my prescription in consultant’s room, I pretty much walked out of room fast and nearly walked into door when getting out of the waiting room, as you have to press a lovely green button. 

When I am “normal” and suffer from anxiety my mind usually goes blank, so now I am hypomanic my mind won’t stop thinking. How annoying. 

I remember a while ago, last year, the weeks when i was hypomanic, my diary was fully packed, literally. It is quite interesting what hypomania does to you…

So I went off to collect prescription, got that… and ended up randomly buy things randomly when hypomanic – went into Tescos and bought more food, even though I have already got lots of food at home.

The Emotional Side (20th Febraury)

I kept forgetting to take Clonazepam to calm me down, or subside my hypomania. Probably not a good thing! I kept getting easily distracted by everything, as soon as something new popped into my head.. I was on to it. This week I did so much it was unreal , think the body couldn’t handle the amount of productivity I did. I usually hardly do anything.

I was a bit scared of going into depression, so I was trying to keep myself moving, and keeping myself “up”. Also, by doing things everyday that kept me distracted from the emotional side of things. Sometimes when I fear depression, I tend to cry a lot, especially when mood is a bit erratic.

Effects of Clonazepam.

I was given Clonazepam the other day, due to me displaying hypomania symptoms whilst in a session with my care co-ordinator. I am supposed to take it in the mid morning, and mid afternoon. He said I would feel sedated and drowsy.

I was thinking okay I am expecting it to hit me and make me feel sleepy.. so I took the first dose that afternoon. I was waiting and waiting for something different to happen, I mean I did feel a little floaty, but I was still buzzing. so I was a bit disappointed to still feel the same.

I even looked on the interwebs to see how different people reacted to clonazepam, most were all sleepy and drowsy and couldn’t do anything!  I think I may be invincible ;).

I told care co ordinator that I didn’t feel much of the effects from clonazepam, he didn’t say much, just told me to phone him if anything changed / got worse.

 

Hypomanic

Have managed to hide most of my hypomanic-ness for a few weeks. Just saw my care co ordinator, and I just couldn’t stop laughing at everything! Finally told him that I have been spending money ridiculously, and having racing thoughts, and having to do so many things at once. I mentioned myself pacing, it was sort of an auto-pilot thing, and I couldn’t stop so..

I’m quite a hard person to read as I don’t open up so much especially about my mental health, but he knowing me so long. He can differientate between my anxiety laughs and my hypomanic joyful laughs. Probably doesn’t help that I was distracted by things around in the room, bearing in mind that I was in the “duty worker room” as he was covering for someone. I just found it hilarious just sitting in there.

I then had to wait for care co ordinator to see my consultant psychiatrist to discuss my problems, and now I am also on Clonazepam in morning and afternoon. Already taken one earlier, it’s quite a nice feeling… currently feeling nice and floaty.

Anyway have lots of things planned this week, so will keep you all up to date, on how things are.